hmmm...it's one of those feelings again..

on and off, i will get this feeling of regret. yeahh..regret about a lot of things. the only way to deal with that is to better myself in certain aspects. which hopefully, will be accepted and will be for the better.

ni lah kucai goreng dengan tahu. nampak sri nyer resepi wahhh sedap sehhh!

that aside, i also feel a lot of regret for lost friendships. over the years, there were a number of them that just slipped through my fingers. some, because of my own doing, while others were due to some misunderstanding. the ones that were of my own doing, well, i thought that i was in the right. and of course, once i got the attention, i strayed away from my original motives. *sigh*..i was young then. and that taught me a few things.

the flowers that she got..she said that it was cheap..only cost her $5 jer.

but i guess, certain things were just not meant to be. on and off i will google their names to see if there is anything out there about them..of course, i can just write to them yes..but no..suffice to say, in some ways, it is enough for me, to just look see, look see . there were times when i wished that none of those things had happened. if only they had understood where i am coming from. but in the end, all i felt was that, i was not really part of their little group. maybe i was meant to be this way. this is better for me, yeah a bit lonely, but the feeling doesn't come that often anymore.

after spending $5 on this..she is broke..so that evening..ada ker she pestering me for jobs that she could do to earn more money :) told her she could clean the bathroom and get her normal fee :)

i have been blessed with a kooky family of my own. we are happy in our own little way. but those feelings..they come to visit out of the blue. it brings back wave of memories..both happy and sad. someone once told me that most of my problems would be solved if i were to get married. he was right you know..in more ways than one. but that doesn't change some stuff though. i guess what i am trying to say is that sometimes, i wonder, if everything went well, would i be where i am now..or would my path be entirely different? terluah belahak pulak..must be all the hormones raging. yelah..i mana nak share some of this type of thoughts nowadays anyway :P

spot admiring the flowers :)

on a happier note, yesterday sarina came home late. she was supposed to come home and pick up sarah. sib baik i looked at the clock and realized that she was not home and had to get sarah myself. well, she heard us coming in from the back door and surprised me with a bouquet of flowers. she said that it was for mother's day as well as for our anniversary. told her that both were a long ways off..but she was kinda excited in getting me that..hehe! that was so sweet of her :) well..i better go back to my garden. need to transfer the basil seedlings into the ground :)